I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
