just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
