Need sex. Gaining weight.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
