I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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