How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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