woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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