apparently the secret to your success is patron
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
