Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
