Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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