just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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