I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
