i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
