every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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