i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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