Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
