Just mADE A PArabola og urine
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
then he tried to convert me to islam
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
