hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
