Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
