so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
