I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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