U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
