when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
