Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
