But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
