Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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