She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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