Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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