I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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