I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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