everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
