i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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