people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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