i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
