YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
