The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
