i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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