I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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