??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
