Cold hands, warm shart.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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