The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
