Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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