About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
