That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
