Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
