I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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