meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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