I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
