You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
