I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
