im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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