lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
