Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
