it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
